This is my face, thought, overall attitude when I think of turning 40!! Crap, crap, crap where did the years go. Why do I feel like I am 18 still? Better yet why do I act like I am 12 sometimes? What is that ache, pain, bruise…insert whatever you like here that wasn’t there yesterday? When did it get there and why, why does it hurt so bad?

Well it turns out there is nothing I can do to keep this from happening. No matter what steps I take in October I will turn 40. 🤦🏻‍♂️ I want to say it isn’t a big deal and that I am ready for it. I want to shake it off like it is just another Tuesday on the calendar. I just can’t though.

I am terrified of that day for a totally different reason. I hope I have finally taken the time to learn about myself so that those previous 39 years allow me to keep from repeating the mistakes. I don’t know that I have ever liked myself as much as I do right now and I have been what some would say is conceited in the past. This is a recent development and has taken a very difficult 2 years to get to. I dug though and faced flaws that made me really dislike myself. I am not fixed, perfect, normal or whatever description fits but I do like myself for the first time ever. I am going to continue to grow and try to understand things I haven’t in the past. I am going to try to be more empathetic and kind to those around me. I am going to keep trying to be better each day that I get. Because I am actually really excited about being 40, unsure and willing to change.

I know what I want for the first time ever. I am going to do what it takes to make the wants into reality. I am going to do it for me and only me. I get it not a popular phrase for someone with kids. The truth though is the only way they have the life they deserve is if I do my part to make myself good for them. Crazy how that works.

So bring on 40…I think 🤔. The next 40 will be amazing compared to the first and I have had a lot of really great things happen to me. For those that I wronged I am sorry I wasn’t the best version of myself. I will do all I can to make it up to you. If you have my number and want to tell me about how stupid I was, I am open for all criticism. I will take it and be better. For all those who love me and stick with me I hope I leave a mark that makes you happy.

October 22 I will wake up and kick that days ass no matter what! Here’s to figuring out you are good enough.